Finally, after decades, I have something in common with Taylor Swift. It feels great to say that out loud, in public. No, I’m not famous, rich, particularly attractive, or a woman. I really, really can’t sing. Like, not even my karaoke is tolerable for human ears (dogs seem to be fine with it). No, our sole point of connection in the cosmic swirl of life is that we’ve both been married. I can’t compare this achievement to winning a Grammy or selling out Crypto.com Arena 16 times, but it has to be on the list somewhere.
My wedding did not come close to the upwards of $50m floated by People Magazine as the cost of Swift’s. We got the venue for free because my wife’s family owned it, which is its own sort of privilege. Lena Dunham didn’t attend, but I certainly sent enough invites. Still, getting someone to agree to tolerate you “till death do you part” is no small feat. Did we get divorced three years later? Of course. I can’t believe she dealt with me even that long. Will Taylor and Travis Kelce beat our record? Depends on how often he forgets to put the toilet seat down in one of their numerous homes across the country. That guy just seems like the sort to make that mistake regularly. Don’t ask me how I came to this conclusion. I trust my own eyes.
I might come off as a real curmudgeon, but I’m actually a sucker for marital bliss. I’d love to find a life partner who is amused by my myriad personality quirks rather than quietly frustrated and increasingly resentful. In my estimation, love is a real, beautiful thing to be celebrated. And yet, I can’t fathom why so many people are so entranced by these two particular people getting married. No one seemed to care as much when JWoww from Jersey Shore got married to a pro wrestler I’ve never heard of. I was personally gutted to know that JWoww was no longer on the market. I deleted Raya immediately after the ceremony. No point in continuing to try.
The general public could barely even muster a sneeze when Dua Lipa married Callum Turner (who might end up our next James Bond). I’m no rube, and understand that Taylor Swift is a bigger star than Dua Lipa. Or even JWoww. She’s the highest-grossing pop star in history, with millions of devoted fans who will sacrifice hundreds or thousands of dollars and countless hours to be in the same room as her for a concert. But Swift’s wedding felt like a momentous event in pop culture history. There was enough interest in the ceremony that people have been buying accumulated garbage left over outside Madison Square Garden, according to TMZ. Not inside Madison Square Garden. Literally trash off the street that might have absolutely zero connection to the wedding. Random pieces of fabric, soda cup tops, and even a single AirPod. Boy, I’d be pissed if I lost an AirPod and some maniac bought it like it was a Catholic relic sold outside the Basilica of Santa Chiara. Someone is even trying to sell a bag of air purported to be captured inside MSG. Priced to move at $49,999.99. Tempting. A penny more and I wouldn’t even consider it.
Maybe the reason so many people have lost their bearings over the Taylor and Travis wedding is that, unlike me and the new Mrs Kelce, they might never get married themselves. A 2023 survey from the Pew Research Center found that 111 million Americans over the age of 18 were single, up from 70 million in 1990. In 2019, the marriage rate hit a 140-year low. Is marriage even appealing to the current ascendent generations? Is it even possible? The sputtering US economy means fewer people can afford even the modest affair I had back in 2014. Women are choosing to stay single in larger numbers, thanks to a broad belief that there are no suitable partners for them, that a life dictated by their own desires and dreams is preferable to giving in to someone else’s. I might never get married again, purely because no one wants to.
I don’t blame anyone for staying single. Marriage requires constant compromise, emotional vulnerability and constant effort. A single person can stay in bed all day if they want to. They can work non-stop. They can keep all the bad habits they cherish without repercussions. Meanwhile, traditional expectations of marriage and monogamy have shifted. No one should be surprised that more and more people are choosing singlehood now that they have greater choice in the matter.
But I’m going to guess that the desire for belonging and emotional transference isn’t disappearing any time soon. If people want something like connection, they can find it in the parasocial. Social media and celebrity culture mean we can observe someone else doing the thing we simply can’t or won’t do. It’s possible to pore over the photos of Taylor Swift glowing with marital bliss and feel like you know her. After all, you’ve heard all her songs, with their confessional lyrics. You might even have some guesses which songs are about which ex-boyfriend. Pine over Travis Kelce and fantasize that someone like him could come into your life — a hunky football player who still eats kids’ breakfast cereal. The bond certain people have with celebrities makes them feel like they actually know these people, without having to actually know them. Or themselves.
I can watch a TikTok of a guy doing 50 sit-ups and think “boy, that must hurt” and never dream of doing it myself. Vicarious living allows for a risk-free life. And marriage, that terrifying institution of “till death do us part” might be one of the riskier things you can do. There are good reasons to stay single, and it could be that the best wedding is the one you watch in bits and pieces from behind your phone screen.
On the other hand, the unpleasant moments give us a chance to grow. My divorce was emotionally and financially damaging. I was as low as one could get through that period. But I got through it. I didn’t have much of a choice. Opening up to another person can be terrifying, and it can hurt when that trust is broken. But I’d rather go through my divorce all over again than buy a bag of air from Taylor Swift’s wedding. Better to have loved than lost than to have bought an empty Ziploc.
